Finding My True Self

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

My meditation light has only cast this cross on my wall once, I had to take a picture because it was so meaningful.

May 12th, 2025

📍Salida, Colorado, USA 🇺🇸

Greetings from the promised land!

I can feel the Spirit nudging me further and further out of my comfort zone, a process we’ve been working on together for years. And I’m not just talking about sky diving and traveling the globe solo, He’s calling me deeper and deeper into the depths of my soul and asking me to share what I find with you all.

And I’m terrified. I’m not afraid of what I’ll uncover from my subconscious (I’ve already been plumbing the depths of my inner landscape for years), but sharing my process and discoveries makes me feel vulnerable and open to judgment and misunderstanding.

But I am not being obedient to God if I hide my truth away in obscurity, so here goes nothing…

I’ve been exploring the metanoia that Jesus speaks of in the New Testament, the renewing of my mind. With the help of my somatic therapist, spiritual director, and physician, I’ve been engaging in psychedelic-assisted therapy (legal in States with prescription access to ketamine and psilocybin is decriminalized in multiple States) for the last decade.

I know this statement alone will cause discomfort and possibly even mistrust for some of you. And that’s okay. A previous version of me would have felt the same way.

After a severe car accident in 2009, which left me dependent on over a dozen pharmaceutical meds for pain, robbed me of any quality of life, I found myself in a deep depression, lacking options. As a last resort, I turned to medical cannabis that was legal in Colorado. Within a month, I was off half of those pain pills, and out of pain within a year. It is not hyperbole to say that cannabis saved my life.

One of This is Jane Project’s Compassion events in Denver, Colorado

Finding so much success with this medicine, my career shifted into the cannabis industry, where I helped to build two nonprofit organizations, one a cannabis-trained nurse hotline to support people’s safe use of this plant as a medicine, and the other a community space for women and non-binary trauma survivors that offers healing programming and free access to cannabis medicines across the country.

It was during my in the cannabis industry, when I was working with military Veterans, that I was first introduced to psychedelics as a viable path forward for my battle with depression and CPTSD.

It was at a point of severe burnout that the opportunity presented itself to legally try psychedelic-assisted therapy.

“Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail. Every month they will bear fruit, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing.””—Ezekiel‬ ‭47‬:‭12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

After learning so much truth and science behind cannabis, I looked into psychedelics and found the same: these medicines have been used by indigenous cultures since the dawn of time; it’s only in modern history (and in huge part to racism and big pharma) that we have demonized them because of misinformation and their propencity for abuse—Don’t get me started on my feelings about the highly-addictive opiates that were readily available to me with minimal concern for their addictive qualities, but were deemed “okay” by my previous pastor and neurologist because those medicines came from a pharmacy.

I love this meditation lighting.

While I’m sure I will need to speak more about the stance of the Church on the use of “drugs” and why Western medicine is so opposed to these ancient medicines, that is for another time. I also won’t go into the details of my process now, but I can no longer deny the pull at my heart to share my journey of becoming a Desert Mother and Christian mystic. And I can’t do that without being open about my use of sacred medicines in the renewing of my mind-body-soul connection to Jesus.

What I will say for now is that I utilize these medicines, with the help of my mind-body-soul care team, to shift my perspective, to zoom in and zoom out on my life. According to depth psychology, these perspective shifts have helped me to die to my false self, my egocentric way of living, sleepwalking through my life on auto-pilot. My experiences with these medicines have helped me resurrect my consciousness, to spiritually awaken to my Self and engage with the indwelling Holy Spirit in mind-renewing ways—I mean that literally as these medicines help rewire neural pathways by increasing neuroplasticity.

Through the healing use of sacred medicines, the wisdom the Lord has blessed me with has been life-changing, and the person I am today is because of my awakened consciousness of Christ living in me. I don’t just know of (oida) Christ, I know (gnosis) Christ intimately. I’ve met my True Self, Jesus Christ in me. 

I stand firmly on the belief that these medicines are not “magic pills” for healing. From a depth psychology standpoint, there is no way around the painful process of Self-discovery; you still have to walk through the darkness of the shadow of death. These medicines have the potential to make that process more fruitful and productive. With Jesus living inside us, we don’t have to fear the evil we find in that darkness because He has promised to be with us at every step of the journey.

Nor do I believe these medicines are required for the healing process, or that they are the right choice for everyone—I’m only sharing what I have personally found in my journey with them, knowing full-well that not everyone has had the same experiences with them as I have. However, I will say that my life is not the only one that has positively changed because of the support these medicines (with the supervision of a good mind-body-soul care team) can provide.

I’ll let you all mull this over a bit. I plan to write more in the future about my experiences with these medicines, but am open to answering initial questions and comments from you all in the meantime. Please drop them into the chat below 👇

I recognize that we are all at different levels of knowledge and comfort in talking about “taboo” subjects. I only ask that we keep the conversation civil and respectful of varying opinions and experiences. Please remember that the Loto platform is a safe community space to explore our individual and unique healing journeys with a curious mind, to ask questions of and support each other without dogmatic agendas, judgment, or condemnation. 

With Love (and trepidation),

Jennifer

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